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Literature by Ampata


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Submitted on
October 21, 2012
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The rain pours down
Upon forlorn ground
Earning my enmity as I weep.
The blood-stained memories in winter's icy grip,
Grass, brown and dying, swaying as if a ship.
Behind unseeing eyes of brown,
Those opaque windows to a soul unfound,
A man longs and pleads,
Unheard among the dark green weeds.
The pain, so sweet, is a means to an end,
As no man's heart learns to defend
Against such sweet pain
The emotions she feigns
Warmth never obtained
And desperate love never gained.
Such a sad thing,
The mournful silence as the sparrow sings,
The unheard keening as his soul bleeds,
Unacknowledged in this prison of weeds.
The thick brown barbs of the withering rose bush,
They tear so deeply, they push, they push,
And I feel the oncoming fear,
A resolute darkness that is always near.
Is there any hope as yet,
Or is my fate already set?
Why must I wait
For the passing of fate,
For my fear to become hate,
For the sun to shine too late?
Can I conquer what I cannot see?
Why is it that I must always flee?
Why, why, why, ask I,
A soul unable to fly?
I feel the passing of all eternal,
Held so dear and yet infernal,
The insufferable and wicked darkness that is fear,
My hope is bridled and unable to escape to a sky so clear.
Can I ever put down that which I hold,
This thing of darkness, so cold, so cold?
With my heart torn asunder,
And this weight I kneel under,
My soul is free to plunder,
And all I hear is thunder.
Though the light may shine this day,
As yet, I must remain away.
I take upon myself so much pain,
And all I feel is the frigid gray rain.
So why should I care
When you refuse to see this burden I wear?
And as this leads me on,
I am greeted by yet another dawn,
Another day, another crushed hope.
Everything is gone, and I can no longer cope.
These lifeless trees
Stink of despair with breathless ease;
A smell like decay drifting with the breeze,
And beneath the rain, the earth will freeze.
The dead branches tear at my skin,
My blood flowing to purify my sin.
Those blessed by angels are lucky fools,
They need not worry about graveyard ghouls,
They need not worry as life departs,
For deep in their hearts,
They know no agony,
They are fools who are blind,
And yet, can see.
I wrote this poem several years ago and just found it in my nightstand. This is some depressing s%#$! But that is to be expected because I was depressed when I wrote it. I remember that I was doing revisions to it so I will have the updated, revised poem up soon.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
On behalf of :iconpoemsspeakforus: #PoemsSpeakForUs

I would like to point out before beginning that everything I write here is purely my opinion and you are perfectly entitled to ignore this if you wish.

Overall Rating: 4.5/5 :star:

Vision: :star::star::star::star::star:
Lovely, lovely poem speaking of the desperation of a depressed narrator. The vivid, abstract images that you used were perfect!

Originality: :star::star::star::star:
I honestly cannot believe that I just doled out four stars for originality on a poem about depression, but this deserves it. The images you have used are ones that I have never read about before in a poem like this.

Technique: :star::star::star::star-half:
I took off some stars because honestly, I find it difficult to read one huge stanza. Maybe you could put breaks after each period?
However, I did love the rhyming. :)

Impact: :star::star::star::star:
Overall, lovely, lovely poem that I will remember and maybe quote ;)
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:iconmordial33:
Mordial33 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow...I never expected to see a comment quite like this. Thank you, seriously. I am in shock. I am not all that well known on dA so getting something like this comment is like winning a lottery.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Anything submitted to my group is subject to a critique :) You're very welcome. Thank you for joining my group. I can honestly say this is one of the best submissions I've seen. :)
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:iconmordial33:
Mordial33 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:blushes: Thanks!
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:iconkingpencil:
Kingpencil Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is very good. You conveyed very vivid images nd I lovedthe rhyme.
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